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Love Me: Chronicles Of An Independent Woman - Part 1 |
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Written by Ebony S. Marshall
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 "You’re sassy and way too independent," I keep hearing. “You don’t need a man,” a male friend expressed. “Oh really,” I said bluntly in a Brooklyn accent. This is so far from the truth and seems to be the misconception of many strong, intelligent and beautiful black women. It’s true we can raise young boys to become men, work a nine to five, cook a seven course dinner, clean till the kitchen floor sparkles, and pay bills with a click of a mouse, all in a day’s work. With all of the goddess power we exert, it does not mean we don’t need a man.
Sure we have opened doors for ourselves, put together an entertainment system and fixed a flat tire. However the super woman perception that strong sisters do not want a man syndrome is a complete fallacy.
We threw our hands in the air in the 90’s and did the head nod when Destiny’s Child came out with "Independent Woman." The lyrics, "All the honeys who makin' money, throw your hands up at me," blared from our car windows and was on our voicemails as the funky intro, confirming to you caller, just who we were.
Believe me, I want to wear the panties in a relationship and still be respected as a strong, professional and independent woman, but he must first have special qualities. Many independent women like myself are waiting. Not to exhale, but for strong, worthy brothers who understand what we need.
What brothers need to get is our worth. We want brothers to stand up as men we can love, and honor. We are designed to be durable, empathize -- comfort and satisfy. We are sensitive and emotional creatures who will cry and laugh with reason. We were created to be tough. And because the dynamics of society changed where women are holding down corporate jobs, does not mean our desire to find suitable mates has.
There’s no way, a six feet in flats and six two in heels is submitting just to any man. Before tenderness, respect and appreciation is shown, it has to be a man I trust. My mate has to be made out of king material, before he can call me his “queen.”
Let’s take a look at the word submit from the world’s point of view and God's. Webster’s Dictionary definition is “to give over or yield to the power or authority of another.” Essentially, the world gives it a harsher meaning, which equates to a woman giving up her power, opinion and control, which is not so.
From God’s standpoint, it is not only proper for wives to cherish their husbands, but for husbands to do so also. While it is the wife’s place to submit to her husband as she would to God, it is the husband’s duty to love their wives as they love themselves.
After we have cooked dinner, cleaned faces, doled at chores and the house is quiet. We want nothing more than to submit to a good man. We want to love and care for him. We want to build him up and give him the encouragement he needs to keep going.
Before an independent woman submits she has to know that the brother can drive. It’s a simple analogy. For years I have driven my car without any major accidents. I get in, lock up, buckle my seat belt, turn on the engine, look out my rear view mirror and place my foot on the gas as I pay close attention to the cars in front and behind. Shoot – I can even check and my lip gloss in the mirror.
I have control and trust God and my driving abilities to get me to my destination--safely. Know that before an independent woman gives a man the keys that brother has to be the truth. Ain’t no way a non driver is getting in the driver’s seat. We need to know come hell or high water that the brother in our life has our back. Then and only then will the keys be placed in his hands. My motto is “When you are ready to submit to your role as a man -- only then will your independent woman humbly and completely submit as your queen. |
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