I've been thinking about my own master plan. Instead of sweat, I have my daughter's life inside of my hands. I dig into my pockets and analyze how my money is being spent and with the crazy cost of living, I keep coming up with lint. Unlike before motherhood is now my mission when I leave residence, I think about her when I think about dead presidents. I think about her smile, when I think about dead presidents.
Back in the day, I thought about Rakim, Nas and Jigga, whenever someone mentioned that phrase. But now, I think about tuition, ballet lessons and jeans getting too short and most of all which CD's to buy on Tuesday. Unfortunately, Hip-Hop, like an old Common Sense song, “I Used To Love You.” Thus with great regret, you have been replaced with others. It's true... this scarlet letter is the official termination of our 25 year romance that started to decline 8 years ago when I became a mom.
At first, I convinced myself that it was me. I was changing. I was becoming one of those chicks that we hated. The chicks that over dissected lyrics for a glimpse of misogyny. Remember how we used to laugh at her because she would shake her butt to a Biggie jam and then go on CNN and talk about the degradation of the Black woman and by relationship the Black community. I could hear the hot track in the background saying "Shut up Hoe, I see you at the club next week!" But now, I agree with her and would rather hear Radio Disney and likes of Colbie Caillat than anyone of your "Young" or "Yung" homeboys. See that's the thing, right there my love...why couldn't we get grown and stop being young, dumb and full of bullshit.
Ok. I am disappointed. Shoot me. Maybe it's cowardly for me to shake it off like I am this high browed mother trying to raise a she-child with a healthy sense of identity. When in actuality, I am tired of looking the other way. I am just tired of the neglect and disrespect. You’re saying you love me, but then pushing me and all my dreams about us to the side.
You know she [my dear Eden... that's her name] asked why I don't talk about you anymore. She started finding our pictures, reading our love notes to one another and even lost herself timelessly to our sacred rhythms. And instead of being overwhelmed with excitement I am scared and angry at her.
I'm becoming the like my moms, going as far as forbidding her to check you. It's like K-Solo's "Your Mom's In My Business" over and over... So I'm trying to hold back ‘cause I know that if I wild out... she will run faster to you. I know the draw, but if you aren't good for me right now, with the lack of respect that goes deeper than lyrics and video tricks, then I can't let her fall in love with you. With all the passion I've invested in this relationship, how could I? Especially, knowing full well you will eventually make her a commodity, like you do everything around you.
So now, where do we go? You probably don't care anyway, since all you are worried about nowadays is if 50 Cent is gonna buy Dubai next year and have the biggest concert ever on YouTube. It's on you: Darling... I've already paid my Debt to you In Full.
Nicole Duncan-Smith's BioNicole Duncan-Smith has etched a name for herself as a certified brand builder & entertainment synergist. Socially-sensitive marketing distinguishes her in corporate Hip-Hop culture.
My vitae boasts tutelage from some of the rap world's most influential & sometimes venomous players. She always has found a way to bring soft spirituality to the machismo swagger of street culture. The challenge is to learn there is always more than 1 side to a prism: Her gift is to look at the project & find each one.
From her work with Russell Simmons, her investment in the Hip-Hop trivia game of Skillz, to producing the animated Hip-Hop film and comic book "Blokhedz," Nicole has taken Hip-Hop as a lifestyle and truly lived it. Her two children books, I AM HIP-HOP, Healium Inc. Press and I AM THE BREAKBEAT are evident of that! Ladies Lift Your Voices:
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